So you’re thinking about getting married? That’s brilliant! But maybe you’ve heard about pre-marital counselling and you’re wondering… what actually happens in one of those sessions?
Look, I get it. The idea of sitting down with a counsellor before you’ve even walked down the aisle might feel a bit strange. Maybe even unnecessary? But trust me on this one – it’s one of the smartest investments you can make in your future together.
## **What Actually Happens in That First Session**
Okay so here’s the thing. When you first walk in (or log on – lots of couples do this online now), it’s not as scary as you think.
The counsellor isn’t there to judge whether you should get married or not. They’re basically like a relationship coach who helps you build a stronger foundation. Think of it like… you wouldn’t build a house without checking the ground first, right?
In that first session, expect to:
– Talk about your relationship history (how you met, what brought you together)
– Share what you love about each other
– Discuss any concerns you might have
– Set some goals for what you want to achieve
And yes, you’ll probably talk separately AND together. Don’t worry – this isn’t about keeping secrets. It’s about giving you both space to be completely honest.
## **The Topics Nobody Warns You About**
Here’s where it gets real. Pre-marital counselling digs into stuff that most couples… well, they just don’t talk about until it becomes a problem.
**Money stuff** – Who’s paying for what? Joint accounts or separate? What if one of you loses their job? These conversations can be awkward but wow, they’re important.
**Kids or no kids** – And if yes, when? How many? What about parenting styles? What if you can’t have kids?
**The in-laws situation** – How involved will they be? Holidays? Boundaries? This one catches so many couples off guard.
**Intimacy expectations** – Yep, we’re going there. Physical intimacy, emotional needs, how you show love… all of it matters.
**Career dreams** – What if one of you gets an amazing job offer interstate? Or wants to start a business? Or go back to study?
## **Why This Isn’t Just “Talking About Your Feelings”**
Look I know what some of you are thinking. “We communicate fine! We don’t need someone to teach us how to talk.”
But here’s the thing – pre-marital counselling isn’t just chatting about feelings. You actually learn **practical skills**:
– How to fight fair (because you WILL disagree sometimes)
– Ways to really listen – not just wait for your turn to talk
– Techniques for managing stress together
– How to spot problems before they become massive issues
One couple I know learned this thing called a “time-out” strategy. When arguments get heated, either person can call a 20-minute break. Game changer for them.
## **What If We Discover Problems?**
Okay real talk. Sometimes couples DO discover issues during pre-marital counselling. Maybe you realize you have different ideas about where to live. Or completely opposite spending habits.
But finding these things out NOW? That’s actually a good thing! Better to work through them with professional help than have them blow up three years into marriage.
And here’s what I’ve seen happen – couples who work through tough stuff before marriage? They’re usually stronger for it. They’ve already practiced solving problems together.
## **The Actual Format of Sessions**
So what’s it actually like? Most pre-marital programs run for about 4-8 sessions. Sometimes weekly, sometimes fortnightly. Each session is usually an hour, maybe 90 minutes.
These days you’ve got options too:
– **Face-to-face** – Traditional, in-person sessions
– **Online video calls** – Perfect if you’re busy or live far apart
– **Phone sessions** – Yep, some couples prefer this
– **Weekend intensives** – Get it all done in one go
And between sessions? You’ll probably get “homework.” Don’t roll your eyes! It’s usually just exercises to help you practice what you’re learning. Maybe a communication exercise or a questionnaire to fill out together.
## **Is It Worth The Time and Money?**
I’m gonna be straight with you. Pre-marital counselling does cost money. And yes, it takes time out of your already crazy wedding planning schedule.
But think about what you’re spending on flowers that’ll last one day. Or a cake that’ll be gone in hours. This? This investment lasts your whole marriage.
Plus, most couples say they actually ENJOY the process. When else do you get to sit down for an hour each week and just focus on each other? No phones, no distractions, just the two of you planning your future.
## **How to Know If You Need It**
Honestly? Every couple can benefit. But especially consider it if:
– You’ve been together less than two years
– You have different cultural or religious backgrounds
– One or both of you have been married before
– You argue about the same things over and over
– Your families don’t exactly… mesh well
– You’re doing long-distance
– There’s a big age gap
But even if none of these apply? Still worth it. Think of it as preventative maintenance for your relationship.
## **Making The Most of Your Sessions**
If you do decide to go for it (and I really hope you do), here’s how to get the most out of it:
**Be honest** – Even about the embarrassing stuff. Especially about the embarrassing stuff.
**Do the homework** – Yeah I know, homework sucks. But it really does help.
**Come with an open mind** – You might learn things about yourself too.
**Don’t wait until you have problems** – The best time to go? When things are good!
## **Final Thoughts**
Look, getting married is huge. It’s beautiful and exciting but also… it’s a big deal. Pre-marital counselling isn’t about fixing what’s broken – it’s about making something good even better.
Think of it this way. You get your car serviced regularly right? You go to the dentist for check-ups? This is the same thing, but for your relationship.
And here’s what couples tell me all the time – they wish they’d done it sooner. They’re amazed at how much they learned about each other, even after years together.
So if you’re on the fence? Just try one session. See how it feels. Most counsellors will do an initial consultation where you can ask questions and get a feel for whether it’s right for you.
Your future married self will thank you. Promise.
